In Search for a Team

The World Cup beckons. It’s something I genuinely look forward to every four years and while some tournaments have been in the ‘damp squib’ category in terms of meeting expectations they generally make for an entertaining month or so – particularly at the business-end: the knockout stages.

Now that we as a country (excluding John Delaney) have somewhat moved on from Henry-gate and can focus on being a hypocrytical bunch of  England-bashing morons the World Cup fever is really starting to sink in. I would have been one to indulge in the comedy of England’s obligatory penalty shoot-out exit if only to see Lineker and company deflate live on television after asking such questions as “can Portugal pose any threat to England Alan?” 120 odd minutes earlier. Much of the argument of being anti-Eng-er-land stems from Irish people’s hatred of the over-confidence of the English media. While the counter argument is a simple one – stop watching sky/bbc/itv coverage – the reality is if you follow football, you follow the English media in this country and so watching El Tel croon along with ‘Arry and Wrighty is inevitable and quite frankly, cringe-inducing.

Truth be told the anti-Eng-er-land brigade are probably breathing a sigh of relief of late after England’s juggernaut-style qualification campaign. What looked like a motivated, focused, no-bullshit team of performers in qualifying has resorted to the more familiar disjointed ‘no plan B’ side that has struggled to entertain over their last few warm up games. There most recent warm-up involved Japan scoring 3 goals and losing 2-1 in a game that effectively ended Theo Walcott’s participation in South Africa after Capello apparently accused him of not following his instructions. Seeing this kind of England Squad self-destruction is bring much relief to the anti-Eng-er-land brigade and their hopes for an early flight home for our beloved neighbours.

In this case however you need only look towards the media again as the source of the disruption which has seemingly caused the wobble at this most crucial a time. In a season plagued with affairs, affairs with team-mates’ wives and affairs (and subsequent pregnancy) with teenagers being reported and hammered home by the press it is without surprise that we are seeing a little wobble with crunch-time approaching. I’ve been saying for months now that if there is one thing Capello can achieve with England it is sheltering them from the bloodpack that is the English media. Steve McClaren looked at the back page of The Sun to pick his team for him and that ultimately led to their failure to qualify for the European Championships. When Capello arrived his no-nonsense approach to the media instantly heralded a new air of professionalism around the England camp and he went about his business with a holier-than-thou attitude toward the English media thus producing results but alienating certain members of the press who had been used to breathing down the neck of the manager.

If you look at the darling managers of English football such as ‘Arry and Big Sam you’ll see how the media (or everyone but the beeb at least) is quite happy to scratch their backs in the form of column inches and a bizarre lack of coverage of alleged dodgy dealing in the transfer market in favour of improved access to their teams and inside knowledge of the league. Capello, in choosing to erradicate the negative effects of the media on the England squad, put himself in the firing line in the eyes of the reporters. Choosing not to take up residence in England and running closed training camps ensured the reporters were kept at distance. In holding a firm belief in his own systems and capabilities he elected not to have the carnivorous feedback from the bloodhounds in the press-room and thus pushed England onto a new kind of level – one where they are actually competitive. Roll on 9 months and a football season and the media found the achilles heels in the forms of John Terry and Lord Triesman – creating unrest within the squad along with sabotaging England’s World Cup bid at a time when England could have done with a different kind of limelight.

I think Capello will steady the ship in the coming days however. While I can’t see anything other than a Spain/Brazil win I think the Semi-Finals are not beyond the current England squad. In clamping down on the little distractions such as the WAG circus, Capello has focused squarely on the football and has maintained his stance towards the media in that he still treats them as spectators only and not a voice of power. I for one am looking forward to seeing how England do with one or two players having just had the season of their lives and one or two others struggling for form after a disillusioned season with their clubs. Rooney should relish the tournament as always and if he’s a little luckier with injuries I’d expect goals galore from him. Crouch seems to flourish when in an England Jersey too and there’s Lampard who has cracked in about 15 goals for his club in the last 5 months. Gerrard is a different story but seems the kind of player that will play well when those around him play well and his form for Liverpool should not be a factor when competing at this level. You would hope being surrounded by Lampard, Rooney, Terry and Ferdinand as opposed to the likes of Ngog, Lucas, Kuyt and Skrtel would bring out your best.

If I was to pick the team I want to see do well it would likely be Australia after Toti’s diving skills sent them home from Germany. I’d love to see the USA get a decent run too given the competition for interest in the sport over there. Argentina have to be this tournament’s enigma. With Maradona being as mad as a bag of spiders I’m not expecting much but their squad is full of real quality going forward. Unfortunately for them the 3-4-3 system was figured long ago so organised teams should be able to pick them off. Ze Germans are in decline but will always be difficult to beat. If France are to make an impact it will want to come together for them at the last minute – like Maradona, Domenech is unpredictable and eccentric and seems not to know who his first XI are. People should be glad either of these managers were able to whittle their squads down to 23 at all.

With the opening ceremony just finishing up the excitement is well and truly instilled now. I’m hoping for entertainment and for all the stories to be related to actual football. The performances of the referees are critical – if the Champion’s League refereeing is an indicator of the present top-tier of refereeing in Europe it does not bode well for the biggest stage of all.

Sit back, open a beer and enjoy one whole month of not having to watch Big Brother because ‘there’s nothing else on’. Like Big Brother is something.

Random Football Manager Round-Up

Warnock is complete tool it has to be said. I can’t stand the bastard.

Ancellotti has got the charisma of a breeze block meanwhile Rafa’s got great karachkter – which is to say fúck all really.

There’s one or two I like – Ferguson for obvious reasons and even other fans should notice that he has calmed the one-sidedness of late – he is calling more things as there are like penalties and sendings off against us. Even ones where there were question marks.

Mourinho I think is a self-aggrandising but overall interesting manager. Was good craic having him in the league.

Avram Grant I have nothing but admiration for – was one retarded John Terry penalty away from lifting the Champion’s League and got sacked and now he’s done wonders at Pompey despite the pit of doom they are in.

Ranieri was a nice chap. Zola goes without saying. Woy Hodgson goes without saying.

Big Sam is irritating but I like how he irritates others. Especially Arsene.

Arsene is a conundrum for me. He is still a moany, holier-than-thou bastard but little things like his reaction to being sent off at OT still make me respect him. Also I think going a few years without a trophy has humbled him slightly. He should cop on though and wake up to the fact he is fielding a team in England – they are going to get tackled. 15 odd years and he’s only realising that now.

Martin O’Neill is hard to listen to when things go against him and when talking about ashley young but I like his passion on the side-lines. Loved his quote when asked if he enjoyed the game he said “I haven’t enjoyed a game of football in 20 years”.

Phil Brown was a tragic idiot. Ian Dowie is not the Mr. Fix-it he thought he was.

Harry Redknapp is another conundrum for me. Given money, he seems to do very well – which is never guaranteed – he could finally have found the chairman that suits him in Levy given that they will be able to reign him in rather than see the club go south.

Mancini seems a tad bit flaky for the job he is in. They need a huge manager at Citeh should they get fourth. My worst fear is that him and Mourinho will swap jobs in the Summer. Say goodnight if Mourinho gets in there.

Moyes is moyes. Likeable from my point of view and seems to have decent man-management skills and an eye for a transfer. Seems to have motivational issues at either end of every season though.

Brian Laws was like a rabbit in the headlights and must be the first manager ever to manage two relegated sides in one season – for that I dislike the man.

Owen Coyle is likeable.

McCarthy is a laugh. Not as much as he thinks he is though.

Tony Pulis seems solid enough, not a fan of his brand of football but he’s turned them into a very tough away fixture at least and an un-welcome home game too His is straight up though and seems a good lad.

Steve Bruce is Steve Bruce. Hit and miss but a soft-spoken gent most of the time in front of the cameras. I know liverpool fans hate him for having a go at their precious rafa but who hasn’t at this stage?

Alex McLeish is a likeable chap in front of the cameras. I remember all the local sellik fans seething when he was being interviewed at Rangers giving dogs abuse and this made me warm to him.

/manager round-up.

Chelski/Bolton

Horrid match to watch – even had I not been cheering Bolton who were very unlucky not have had a pen prior to Chelsea’s goal. Fantastic cross from Drogba though – Anelka was left with the simplest of headers.

Bolton made a go of it in the second half but in the end I don’t think Bolton tested the Chelsea goalkeeper once.

Special Mention: Taxi for Joe Cole at the death when he stood on the ball 2 yards out with the goal gaping..

The Decline of the Human Race from Mediocrity (at best).

I sit here wading through the media-driven aftermath of last night’s disappointing scenes at the West Ham/Millwall match. As if the sheer, determined hatred seen in many of the so-called ‘fans’ faces as they square up to riot police and stewards isn’t enough for the average person to lose faith in humanity, reports are coming in of millwall fans’ hate-chants directed towards Calum Davenport and Jack Collison – the former having been stabbed in both legs (along with his Mother) for standing up to a London gang, the latter having lost his father in an motor-bike accident earlier this week. Charming.

I’m fully aware there are disgusting chants sung throughout football the world over, and I’m not naive enough to think that these are the worst of them but when I put the whole of last night’s scene together I can’t help but get the feeling that the Human Race has gone to the dogs.

People will say I shouldn’t let the actions of a few taint the nature of the many, and it is the media who insist on reporting – with as much sensationalism as possible – only the bad news, choosing to leave the many stories, which represent a shining beacon in the dank reality of our generation, gathering dust in the great archive in the sky. To anyone who says we are at the height of our civilisation, awash with technological and medical advacements, I say we have never been witness to as many barbaric acts on such frequent a basis as we are today.

Scanning the news this morning reveals hooliganism, suicide bombs, rigged elections in ‘liberated’ countries where ‘democracy’ has been installed, and oh, what’s this? A beacon of hope after all; Big Brother is to be axed. That only took 10 years. Perhaps there is hope for us after all.

Jamie’s Trousers

Much to the distress of the female members of the household I spent the entire afternoon watching what must be one of the best afternoons of football as far as results go – the only downside to which was having to sit and watch Jamie Redknapp fart on about his buddie Stevie G while wearing what could only be spray-painted trousers. I mean having footballers legs may mean it’s hard to find properly fitting trousers but my god Jamie, it must be hard to find body paint to match the colour of your jacket each week.

All of this should not distract from the fact that the football was phenominal this weekend. Arsenal showed us a prime example of their attacking prowess with their demolition of Everton, while United ground out a win and then got to sit back and watch Stevie G and Co. suffer an away loss to a fully deserved Spurs.

Carslberg don’t do Sunday afternoons…

Roll on next weekend.

Football is Back

Ah how I love thee – hours of entertainment provided to me in HD in the comfort of my own home. All these networks spending millions researching reality TV shows in the quest for unscripted drama, excitement and unpredictability and here for 38 weeks a season they have it all right in front of them (assuming they have Sky Sports).

This season promises to be epic – Can united do it without Ronaldo? Can Chelsea keep one manager for an entire season? Will the Spanish Waiter do a Keegan again? Will Wenger turn his seemingly permanent youngsters into a competitive outfit? The next 38 weeks will reveal all.

Football – we salute you.